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surely I will stay awake

from Ghost Guest by Ghost Guest

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about

Featuring a poem by William James

lyrics

Two in the morning, my apartment a perfect pitch black, and I bolt upright from a dream. Sweat forming beads of hard ice across my brow. I’m thinking about hell fire. I’m thinking about Pascal, about his concrete proof that wagers I have more to lose should my unbelief be proven a house built on a flawed foundation than if it goes the other way around. Fear of damnation that creeps into my conscious like a thief in the night. Like a returning messiah come back when I am the least prepared. A flash flood of uncertainty and fear. I’m shivering in panic, because I know that I’m a sinner, though I’ve tried to live my life clean. Tried to honor a code, to never willfully cause anyone harm in any way. I think that should be enough, or at least that’s all any of us can ever hope to achieve, but what if I’m wrong? What if a drapery of fire and sulfur falls like acid rain? What if earnest sincerity and the will to leave the world a better place than it was when I was born into it is not enough to keep the flames off of my skin? There’s no light in my room at this hour. Even the windows are blacked out, swallowed by a suffocating darkness. And it’s true that I’m afraid sometimes. And it’s true that guilt and worry gnaw at my ribs like starving rats on a sinking ship. And it’s true that I shake in my sleep, fists clenched, teeth already gnashing, preemptively drawn up in the pugilist’s pose as if to save the Judgment Seat some time. But now look here, I’ve fallen asleep again and woken up to the sun. The literal dawn of a new day, and I can breathe after all. There’s no trace of smoke in my lungs, no taste of brimstone to be detected anywhere in the air, and my eyes are clear, and my hands are flat as a windless lake, peacefully laying at my side.

credits

from Ghost Guest, released March 17, 2017
Poem by William James

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Ghost Guest Worcester, Massachusetts

we like music and psychological development

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